New Year for Recovery

I'll be honest...it was a rough holiday season for no reason in particular except for my own internal struggles and the fight with Anorexia and depression. Towards the end of 2024, I was barely eating once again and got sick for the 4th or 5th time (I lost count) because my immune system was too low due to undereating. It got to the point where I almost passed out when caroling with friends and my mom handed me the reality that my life would be hospital/treatment stays if I did not eat, because not eating, meant not getting better...and in the midst of my sickness and isolation, I started to think...

Was this really the life I wanted for myself?

Did I want to risk losing everything?

Was I really going to give up all the blessings God has been giving me?

Is self-sabotage really worth it?

Am I giving myself the best chance of normalcy in life?

And after a long internal battle with my healthy self vs. my negative self...it was true that my answers were "no" and I knew I needed to do something about it. I was also reading many Christian Living books at the time that were helping me along the way, starting with "Breaking Free from Body Shame" by Jess Connolly where she reminds us that our bodies are already deemed "good" by God and that we are created in His image and should therefore take care of our bodies with the respect that it deserves. It was convicting to read, especially because I knew that I had not treated my body as I should, merely self-inflicting more abuse and pain. Another book that I was reading, was "You are Never Alone" by Max Lucado, with the reminder that God is always with me, in ALL the moments...including the good, the bad, and everything in between. "Enemies of the Heart" by Andy Stanely was another one in which it touches on the topics of guilt, anger, greed, and jealously and how to break free from those emotions that can control and dictate life, distancing us from God. If you have not read any of these books, I would definitely recommend!

So, as I self-reflected, processed my own thoughts and feelings, talked to loved ones, as well as looked to the Bible and books to help me along my journey, I finally decided that I needed to make a change...especially because it was just about to be the New Year. It was just the perfect timing, reminding me that God truly does have the perfect timing for everything! I decided that I was going to embrace recovery for what it is and to give myself the best chance of normalcy in life, meaning no more hospitals and treatment centers. I decided that I was going to be even more open and honest with the people around me and to let others in to help me along the journey. And best of all...I decided that I was going to fully surrender to God, giving Him my mental illnesses and my WHOLE heart, to let Him guide me in this life and to use me for His glory. And as a result, these became my recovery-oriented goals for the New Year:

Spend time with God daily

(following my own Bible reading plan, setting time aside for prayer, worshipping whenever, wherever I can, especially in the car, etc.)

Follow my meal plan

(3 meals, 3 snacks a day and 3-4 components per meal and 2-3 components per snack)

Intentionality in relationships

(making time w/ loved ones, sending daily text "jannifications," being intentional in asking how to pray for others and keeping a prayer journal, remembering birthdays and important dates, checking in on those I haven't heard from in a while, etc.)

Open-minded growth in learning

(asking for advice for 2 of my new part-time jobs, being open to learning new things and growing professionally and personally, searching for opportunities to learn and grow, etc.)

Using my gifts to glorify God

(publishing my 2nd book, volunteering in some capacity at church, sharing my story in schools with NAMI, etc.)

There is more that I could say and touch on, but these are the highlights! Not only did God change my heart during the holiday season, but He laid it on my heart to write a 2nd book that is a Christian Living book on my mental health treatment journey and hospitalizations to show the power of God in how He saved me from multiple suicide attempts and how He was there throughout every step of the way displaying His goodness, mercy, and grace in such moments of darkness. The book is called "Hope Within the Broken" (if it is not changed by a publisher) and I hope that it may be able to help people one of these days once it has been published. I am truly inspired and have such hope that 2025 will be a great year, not only for me, but many others and I will be praying for those that may be struggling.

Hold onto hope!

All the blessings my friends!

What are your recovery-oriented goals for 2025?