Stressed Out

I used to be much more tolerant of stress...especially throughout childhood. However, with time, I got worn down...burnt out...discouraged...almost like an ancient clock that has been forgotten, the gears needing to be oiled, getting stuck so that the clock ticks slower until suddenly, it stops.

I now find myself with a very low stress tolerance which proves tricky for the season of life that I am in. With my parent's divorce, family drama, my healing journey, and the job-hunting endeavor...I feel suffocated at times and filled to the brim, unable to manage more than the simple activities of daily living. My service dog has been life-changing for sure, but I still find myself stuck in a maladaptive cycle, disassociating and using the eating disorder to numb and avoid. My brain does not want to function. It does not want to think about anything. I find myself lying around, mindlessly scrolling through social media, caught like a fly in a spider's web, making comparisons that I should not be making.

I feel like that ancient clock that has suddenly stopped working...the second hand stilled and suspended in mid-air. I feel frozen and stuck in a limbo of deciding what's next for myself. I feel stressed about my future. Part of me thinks that I need to find work that is meaningful when I know that at this point, I shouldn't be picky about the job to reach financial stability. Another part of me thinks I should just rely on disability, knowing that avoidance is never the answer. I stress about my ability to cope. I stress about my capability of holding a job. I stress about my recovery journey and if I am really capable of healing.

What's wrong with this picture?

I'll tell you.

It is the enemy placing lies, doubts, and stressors in my mind, coercing me into thinking that I am not capable of living.

Stress can paralyze.

Stress can cause doubt.

Stress can cause illness.

Stress can be debilitating.

Stress ruins everything.

Stressed out?

What should we do?

I'll tell you.

Run to the arms of Jesus!

Lay it all down at the foot of the cross.

Surrender.

I need to take my own advice and should heed this reminder just as much as any other. But remember that just because you are relying on the strength of Jesus...it does not mean that you will never be stressed out again. It may not even mean that the stress and burden will be lifted from you...BUT it WILL mean that you are not walking alone. It means that you are trusting Jesus with your heart and growing deeper in your faith. It means that you are being intentional and being a light in a world where darkness clouds the sky. It means that you are trying and that makes all the difference in the world.

So...are you stressed out?

You are NOT alone.